A useful tip in respect of reactions to ‘things’ that happen.
No one can ‘make’ you do anything, comments like ‘every time you do that you make me’, ‘that just made me’, ‘people like that make me’ – all of those statements are really just an excuse – we are refusing to be response- able.
It’s useful to remember that you are in control and therefore when someone else does something you have a choice to respond or not and when you respond it can also be useful to remember that you are response-able. Able to respond in a way that is appropriate for you. So when someone you are getting to know says or does something and it starts to ‘make you’ react in some way, perhaps you can use the ‘bubble’ (as in ‘Being in the Present’*) or use the ‘circle’ (as in ‘A Good and Resourceful State’*), think about what to ask next or question what the other person is saying (in your head first and think about the tonality, the words, your body posture). Check out is this some ‘programmed’ reaction from the past? How important is this person to you? Would you be willing to change your response, are you willing and able to make this change to the way you respond? And become able to respond in a better way.
* Refers to chapters in the book ‘Finding the Relationship you Deserve’
I’ve just republished my very first book ‘Finding the Relationship you Deserve’ on Kindle Direct Publishing – available from Amazon and I thought I’d share a reader review here –
Note the title is “Finding the Relationship you deserve”, not “Finding the Person you deserve”
Yes, initially it does cover Self Respect – ensuring your criteria for the person you hope to meet is true and good for you, but it then shows you how to develop a loving, fair and lasting relationship.It gives you tools to act like a reasonable adult in a relationship, it’s about the other person too – understanding why we all act differently and giving grace to others’ actions and cautiously wondering if we could improve aspects of our own actions or beliefs.
The author Rosie O’Hara delivers personal coaching and training in many areas. I have trained with her and she excels in personal development – if there is an aspect of your personal life (you as a person) you want to improve Rosie is a person that will know how you can do it, and show you how to.
This book is worth buying – to keep, and to read more than once: useful not just for the primary relationship in your life but also for any other relationships. It provides clarity on why some relationships fail and how others benefit from some understanding and perhaps a little change of mindset and purpose from ourselves.
Be kind to yourself (or a friend) and buy it: it is also a lovely read and the perfect size for a handbag, to dip into when you have a spare five minutes and then to carry those thoughts with you until you can read a bit more 🙂 Carol Imray