The how to’s of poor customer care

Anyone reading this will recognise themselves in either having been on the receiving end frustrationof this, or having had customers, clients, clients, delegates complain about this (in this case you might perceive the other person to be wrong).
This is not based on one particular case; rather it’s a summary of many different experiences, many of us will have had. Ever been somewhere where your needs are largely ignored because staff is getting things done’? Clearing tables, looking busy behind a desk or counters etc? The person you would like to help you or take you seriously is too busy focussing on the task rather than the person?
When as a customer you are unhappy, no one takes the initiative to put things right. It’s more the case that it seems too much trouble, or our procedures won’t allow that (airlines are good at this).
The member of staff of whom you expect help behaves as if you are just a downright nuisance. Sometimes they make the ‘right noises’ but then later you discover they did nothing? They say they’ll ‘pass the message’ but they don’t.
They repeatedly tell you what they can’t do, without offering any alternatives? An example of this and the previous question. We had a training room booked for 7 people on arrival there were twenty seven chairs in said room and two large tables (no tables required). We asked for the tables and twenty chairs to be removed. We were told ‘we have nowhere to put them,’ and asked ’are they really in your way?’and then ‘it makes it easier for us for later.’ I was told I was being unreasonable in my requests.
The staff whoever they are follows a set procedure, ‘read our customer policy’, ‘complain to our head office’, ‘I can’t do that for you’.
In terms of the Language and Behaviour Profile this translates as – Things, tasks, objects are more important than People – who pays the wages, affects your bottom line?
Staff are reacting – they will respond, so they don’t totally ignore you, but they are unwilling to take an initiative.
The staff and often company behaviour is that they believe that anyone who does not fit their expectations is completely out of line and odd.
These are people who would rather work alone, a common hiring error – companies ask for and hire people who can work ‘independently, at their own initiative’ – this leads to people whose preference is to work completely alone, i.e. in a darkened room with absolutely no customers around to bother them. Customers disturb them, get in the way of the things they have to do, keeping the place tidy, neat, looking good, and making life easy.
Staff only notice what is wrong or can’t be done in respect of the customer or client,
The staff are focussing on a process, rather than a service. On a linear progression that has no time, room or facility for dealing with complaints. The problem with this process is these people who have been hired to follow this process are people who once they have started, they cannot stop. Hell mend you if you interrupt them. They must get to the end of the process this is how they are made.
Recognise some of this in customer service you have received, or customer complaints you have had?

Next time ways to deal with this – from both angles

Rosie O’Hara is one of the UK’s foremost Trainers and Consultants of the Language and Behaviour (LAB) Profile®, Words that Change Minds. Her background is in mechanical engineering and the German language – more information on uses of the LAB Profile® for Team Building, HSE, Management, Negotiation, Market Research, Recruitment and in Executive Coaching and more contact Rosie on 07796 134081, 01224 900748, or 01309 676004 or consider the information on this website here

 

Getting out of a Personal Crisis State

This is a transcript of a technique that I wrote in 2010 and meant to include in my second

frustration (2)

Frustration

book ‘No More Bingo Dresses’ and for some reason didn’t.

This technique is based on modelling work carried out by Richard Royce in 1995; he modelled 3 individuals of whom I was one. I recently (2010) realised I had used and put into practice this technique far faster than ever before in my life (and now unconsciously), partly due to my knowledge and skills and experience in NLP and also partly due to the realisation I needed a faster reaction than I might have had in the past given such a “crisis” and the need for me to “move towards” to a good and useful result in life, to be “proactive”, and take control over my life.

This exercise is useful to learn in case of crisis times which may occur and also to work with individuals who are in a crisis state and can’t yet find the way out.

What follows is the practice exercise to use in a group to develop an understanding. When working with an individual, presuppose they already have the physiology to avoid too deep an association.

Sit or stand in a position where you are on your own (isolation), look down (avoidance), feel tension in your stomach and your back. There is an overwhelming blackness descending on you and everything is becoming hopeless. (Only allow this to happen for a short period of time).

Whilst still accessing this hopeless state, start to look up to the left and right, whilst doing this breathe into the blackness in the stomach, move both hands “weighing up possibilities”, slowly move the shoulders back, breathing, breathing all the time, noticing relief, noticing how everything is becoming easier, there is a way forwards, there is a way out of this. Notice how the feeling in your stomach lifts up and moves away.

Ask yourself what possibilities are there? What opportunities do I have? What happens when I make my own decisions? What will make me feel good? (Advanced NLPers will know to ask themselves “how can I make myself feel good?”).

Tell yourself – I am capable, I can be in control, I am in control.

Step outside yourself and look at the new you, you are becoming, strong and dependable, in control. Do you need to add anything to this?

Take this new you and move forwards, starting to plan, create a series of visual images of places to go, things to do. Where do I go to ask? What will I see in the future, what will that future look like, sound like and feel like? What resources do I need, which of those can I create myself?

Anchor this new you in appropriate way. If necessary go back and practise, tweak, add and change whatever is necessary.

 

Contact me via http://www.developingworks.com or +44 (0) 7796134081

Words that turn people off

Do you like to be told what to?

Most of us don’t usually. We want to decide for themselves. yelling at phone

Depending on how we say and do something (or don’t say and do it), our ideas will be considered or immediately dismissed by the other person/other people. When people are processing life, the world and the universe in this way, they are have an Internal Motivation Pattern.

When people are in Internal Mode, they like to gather information and evaluate it for themselves and hate having someone decide for them. In fact, they love to make their own decisions, based on what is important to them.

So here are the Top Ten Things to Avoid Saying to an Internal (or someone who feels that way)

Words That Close Minds
1. You should …… (almost guarantees they won’t)
2. I need to talk to you. (especially unhelpful to say to your partner in life)
3. I have the solution to your problem.
4. I know what you did wrong.
5. I know why that won’t work.
6. I told you so.
7. I have a better idea.
8. You should have an open mind about this.
9. Here’s what everyone thinks about what you did/do/will do.
10. No one is doing that any more.

Top Ten Suggested Things to Say to an Internal
Words That Open Minds
1. I have an idea that I’d like to run by you to find out what you think.
2. May I make a suggestion?
3. What would you think if we ……?
4. When you are deciding about X, what are the most important things?
5. I have an idea that may not be completely useless.
6. Here’s what I think….. what is your opinion?
7. You said that X, Y, and Z were important, so that’s why I’d like to suggest ….
8. Here is something that you may wish to consider.
9. Here is something that you may wish to avoid.
10. You be the judge.

It’s interesting to note the differences between the two approaches. The first list is mainly about you deciding for the other person, while the second encourages the other person judge for his/herself.

Which list ‘makes you feel better’?  Which list do you think would get you better results?

With thanks to Shelle Rose Charvet

 

For more info on Words that Change Minds please click here

Emails and Other Forms of Communication KIllers

I’ve actually posted this before on other blogs of mine, butblamer after a couple of recent new experiencs it comes with an addition.

Mails or emails and text messages can be a nightmare or a minefield, whatever metaphor you choose to use here.

Emails are missing out emphasis, irony, humour, anything that is included in telephone and face to face conversations, they are also often written in abbreviated form and can be sent off in the heat of the moment and even worse……….. they are tantamount to worldwide publishing within seconds, one click of the mouse and your comments can be sent worldwide and if you continuously forward previous emails on, someone, somewhere might read something you didn’t want them to read.

And text messages well can u txt? And cn u read txts? And I don’t even know if I’ve missed out the right bits.

With texts and emails it’s also possible to send them to the wrong person, by clicking the wrong button!!!!! And think about what happens if you always leave the previous message in there, I once became privy to some information that was classified and I only knew because I printed the email out.

Some thoughts on emails – emails can work really well for someone who is visual –that means someone who has a Visual Preference, they say things like “I see what you mean”, “show me …..”, I need to clarify my ideas”, “send me the document” or “please write it down and give it to me”. Emails can also be a killer for them, because suddenly something jumps up on the screen and there it is in front of them in black and white, or colour and they can see it! What you say to them will not always hit home.

Now if someone has an Auditory Preference – so they like to talk, like to chat on the phone, ask you “to talk them through it”, say something ”rings a bell”, think you are or are not “singing from the same hymn sheet”, then an email will possibly have little or no effect on them.

People with a Kinesthetic Preference like to do or touch, so they would possibly rather have a letter they can touch on nice paper, or even like to go for walk with you and if they like taste and smell would rather chat over a coffee or breakfast. Mmm emails not much good for them.

Other things to take into account, you have absolutely no idea what frame of mind your recipient is in when they receive the email or where they are (I recently sat next to a guy at a business dinner who was reading his emails during the after dinner speaker’s speech [a serious speech about transport]). If your recipient is the wrong frame of mind for receiving your email then you have a problem.
My tip if you want to say something important, earth shattering, vital – send a short email and ask can I ring you, can we meet and do that and then give them something in writing. Bad news by email is bad, very bad, unless you really want to annoy someone, or they generally ignore you anyway.

The latest experience from two people in the past week. I’ve gone back to them to ask something and they have replied to me ‘scroll down to the bottom of the email for the information.’ It’s not that I’m lazy you know, I would just like to be treated like a person and be given that information and to be honest that kind of reply can come across as rude.

Treat people as you would like them to treat you. Think about what you write and how you phrase what you write. Are you really clear about what you write?

If you’d like to know more contact me Rosie O’Hara the Developing Works website, or via my Coaching Website tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081, +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004. And please ask questions or comment here or contact me directly.

Do things hold you back?

Do you have a belief about something you think you can’t do? Do you beat yourself, up tell cat lionyourself you can’t? Do things hold you back?

The easiest way to spot limiting beliefs is to listen to your ‘self-talk’ when things go badly. Typical examples of limiting ‘self-talk’ are ‘I’m no good at …’, or ‘I can’t …’. Each time you talk or think in this way, the belief becomes more entrenched.

The good news is that this limiting way of thinking can be changed to ways of thinking that are truly empowering. The following process is a good way to do this:

1. Write down your limiting belief and ask yourself – ‘what will I get from changing this way I think about things?’

2. Ask yourself ‘Am I ready to change this way of thinking that’s holding me back?’ Check that the ‘yes’ is a true yes and feasible. If not, what is getting your way? Do you need to do some work on that?

3. Ask yourself ‘What would be a more useful way of thinking, instead?’ Write down that answer.

4. Turn your answer into a linguistic process, one that has progression in it – here’s an example – find something you can ‘do’ to make the statement more believable. Use words such as begin; start; prepare; establish; grasp; learn; master; realise; understand.
Such as  ‘I can be good at networking/meeting people/asking for my needs to be met.’

5. Make it enjoyable. Find words that would make the more useful way of thinking motivating, such as comfortable; easy; effective; effortless; elegant; enjoyable; fantastic; magical; magnificent; successful; thrilling. For example ‘I can enjoy being good at networking/meeting people/asking for my needs to be met.’ ‘It’s effortless being good at networking/meeting people/asking for my needs to be met.’ ‘It’s easy being good at networking/meeting people/asking for my needs to be met.’

6. Write down the final version of the new more useful way of thinking and notice any objections that come up for you, any little voices in your head. Symbolically let them go by writing them down, or saying them out loud, until no more objections are left. They are no longer unconscious objections now, no longer getting your way.

7. Now take a minute to imagine living with this new belief for a whole day. Would it cause any problems? If so, fine-tune the new belief until it causes no problems. Do a final check: ‘If I could think in this more useful way would I take it on board?’ Check you get an answer from yourself that you are truly happy with, and that this new way of thinking is truly motivating. What evidence will let you know it is coming true for you? Practise acting ‘as if’ the new way of thinking is yours on a daily basis until it becomes so.

8. Finally ask yourself ‘What will be the first evidence (what will you see, what will you hear and what will you feel) that this way of thinking is coming true?’

If you’d like to know more contact me Rosie O’Hara the Developing Works website, or via my Coaching Website tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081, +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004. And please ask questions or comment here or contact me directly.

Part of me Wants to and Part of me Doesn’t

or The Will I? Won’t I? Process.walking orange

You know that scenario or that dilemma or that feeling? When you say ‘I want to this but on the other hand,’ and then you dither or put one foot forward and then you take one step back and probably end up doing nothing at all or at least nothing different.

Here’s a way of working with that Will I? Won’t I?.

First a brief explanation, it’s possible that the dilemma you are having is about your values being in conflict. Values are our criteria for what we personally consider to be worthwhile or valuable. Our values are deeply connected to our belief systems. The values embedded in our core beliefs are the key to our actions and to changing those actions. It may be that something you hold dear is not at useful to you.

When you are in a situation where you are saying ‘part of me wants to and on the other hand’ then try this method out.

1. Ask yourself: ‘what are the two parts or values that conflict?’ and give each part a name (anything you like).

2. Then resting one hand on each knee, palm uppermost, imagine one of these parts is each hand.

3. Now looking at one of your hands imagine you can see what this part looks like – is it standing, or siting is a person, what’s it wearing?, is it a thing?, describe it as you imagine it on your palm. When you have described one part fully, repeat the process for the other part imagining it on the other hand and looking at it there.

4. Looking at each part in turn what do you notice about its good qualities; strengths, resources and positive intentions. A positive intention is not its behaviour so for example ‘by not doing this – it will keep me safe from ….’ That’s a positive intention even though at times that might not be what will call positive see No. 5 on this page here.

Ask questions of each part such as:
What does this part do for me?
What is its job in my life?
What are its special qualities?
What is this part good for? What is this part trying to do for me?
How could this part be useful to someone else?
What are the good things I haven’t noticed about this part?

5. When you’re clear about all the positive attributes of one part, repeat the process for the other part. Check if any of the positive attributes need to be transferred (do this in your mind) from one part to the other.

6. Then imagine a third, central image (between the other two wherever seems right for you) incorporating all the best qualities of each part.

7. Bringing your hands up from your knees, bring them together behind this central image and scoop all of the images into yourself. Welcome this new improved image, close your eyes, breathe, and stay that way whilst your mind accepts this new way of thinking and behaving.

Be gentle with yourself and allow ample quiet time for integrating this process. Allow yourself to experience fully whatever body sensations, emotions, feelings or images come to you. This can be a powerful emotional experience, or deceptively unremarkable.

It can be you have clear insights during the process. It can be that it happens later.

This method also known as Visual Squash or Parts Integration in NLP operates simultaneously on so many levels that it subtly transforms our experience and expands our range of reactions with no further effort.

If you’d like to know more contact me Rosie O’Hara the Developing Works website, or via my Coaching Website tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081 (What’sApp as well), +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004. And please ask questions or comment here or contact me directly.

How to Plan and Prioritise

Eisenhower was a very astute man.  And did you know that he came up with the hand in papersUrgent/Important Matrix before Dr Stephen Covey? I didn’t, until I was reading the ILM (Institute of Leadership and Management) magazine Edge.

Eisenhower said ‘An intellectual is a man who takes more words than is necessary to tell more than he knows.’

The Urgent/Important Matrix is about using time effectively, not just efficiently, and in my experience the more effectively you use time the more efficient you become.

In this day and age there just never seems to be enough time. Is this really true?

How often have you taken time out to ‘Stop and Stare’? And perhaps realise what you are doing is getting you nowhere. We’re anxious, we can’t concentrate, everything gets in the way, and then, we simply blow. We tell ourselves that we can do so much because we have so many ‘labour saving’ devices, mobiles, PCs, laptops, we can be contacted anywhere at any time.

In spite of all these gadgets and online calendars (that everyone can set us up appointments with (if we let them) – do we really mange our time efficiently?

Do we spend our time on things that are important and not just urgent? It’s important to distinguish between important and just urgent.

  • Important activities have an outcome that leads to the achievement of your goals.
  • Urgent activities demand immediate attention, and are often associated with the achievement of someone else’s goals (ah had you noticed that?).

We often concentrate on just urgent activities. The things that make the most noise, the things that demand attention because the consequences of not dealing with them are immediate.

The Urgent/Important Matrix is a useful tool for thinking about this.

Eisenhower said, ‘What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.’ This so-called “Eisenhower Principle” is purported to be how Eisenhower organized his tasks. Dr Stephen Covey made the idea more public in his business classic, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. Covey called it the “The Urgent/Important Matrix.” I use it often in coaching and on my business courses and on my NLP Business Practitioner Course:

The Urgent/Important Matrix is a powerful way to use to think about priorities. Using it helps you prevent the natural tendency to focus on urgent activities, so that you learn to keep enough time to focus on what’s really important. This is the way you move from “fire fighting”, into a position where you can grow your business and your career.

This is how it works

Divide and A 4 page into 4

Urgent                                                        Non-Urgent

Important

I

Activities

Crises

Pressing Problems

Deadline driven projects

II

Prevention

Relationship building

Recognising new appointments

Planning recreation

Non-Important

III

Interruptions, some phone calls

Some mail, some reports

Some meetings

Proximate, pressing matters

Popular activities

IV

Trivia, busy work

Some mail

Some phone calls

Time wasters

Pleasant activities

Assess the importance to all the activities on a scale of 1 to 5

Remember Eisenhower also said: ‘Leadership – the art of getting someone else to do something that you want done because he wants to do it.’

When people see you are clear about your objectives and boundaries, they will generally not ask you to do “not important” activities in the future, and at best do it themselves or find someone else.

This blog first appeaerd in 2012 on my then and now defunct NLP Highland Blog.

If you would like to know more about your preferred patterns and how you work with these and get things done on your own or with other people please contact me either here or via the Developing Works website, or via my Coaching Website tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081 (What’sApp as well), +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004. And please ask questions or comment here.

Putting Yourself in the Picture

A while ago someone asked me how did I remember things, more importantly how did I frameremember to take things with me after an event, training or meeting or what happened in that meeting. I’d like to share with you.

There’s a technique known as ‘Reframing’ to create a different meaning literally around something, for example to turn a bad experience into a good one, or to notice that there is actually something positive.

Here’s a simple way to do that.

A. Remember an occasion when or where you got angry.
B. Make a picture or image of this or imagine this having happened and see yourself in the picture.
C. Now put a frame around the picture or image.

How does your response to the situation change when you put a wooden frame around it? What about a metal frame? A multi-coloured frame. An oval frame? How about a colourful frame with balloons hanging from it?

And what do we do to remember things when we’ve walked through the door?

We need to make a conscious effort to stop briefly and think about the thing we want to do, or are going to, or are have been doing. And then we need to make a mental image of this thing and place it up to our left. And looking up to our left see this thing, this object, this person, this task, this memory, then imagine seeing it in colour and see it standing still. Making sure it’s still there, move on out of the room and when you’re out of the room and doing the next thing look up to your left and see this item, still standing there. And hey presto, you’ll remember.

If you find this tricky, practice. Only perfect practise makes permanent.

And for some people you might need to place this image up on your right.

Try it out and let me know what happens for you, then walking through the door will be much easier and your memory will improve.

Forgotten to catch up after a meeting or networking?

Well most of us do at times. Some of us believe making notes will help, not so good if you then lave all your info somewhere. I recently realised that I had left all my info from one networking meeting, neatly packaged on one place on the table in the room I had been in. Fortunately the info was still there.
According to an article in Scientific American online, which being scientific has lots and lots of references and could be (for me) a tad exhausting; when we walk through a door we forget. Well actually they were interested in why walking through a door makes us forget.
The article: Gabriel A. Radvansky, Sabine A. Krawietz & Andrea K. Tamplin (2011): Walking through doorways causes forgetting: Further explorations, The Quarterly Journal of Experimental Psychology, 64:8,1632-1645 (click here to read that)  states that walking through a doorway causes what they call ‘an event boundary’ and we update our model of events in respect of what happened previously. They maintain that this ‘can reduce the availability of information in our memory for objects associated with the prior event. And then they do some scientific speak about how memory is essential (in my words) dependent on how or what we associate with the previous event. ? What does that mean, you might be asking? Well it means we need to remind ourselves in some way of what happened or was happening before we left the room.

So in my case above remembering to take all my info from the event happened because I generally (I stress the word generally) have a checking thing (or system) before I leave one place to go to another. We don’t always check because often deep in thought we move from one doorway to another and therefore onto something else.
If you would like to know more, please contact me Rosie O’Hara http://www.developingworks.com, http://www.rosieohara.com tel. 07796 134081 (What’sApp as well), 01224 900748, 01309 676004

Words and Wheelbarrows – How to check what someone is really saying

Now I’m not writing this about the 14 linguistic distinctions – just about one of the Deletions which Wheelbarroware known in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) as nominalisations – that means it’s a process word (a verb or a doing word) that’s been frozen in time and made into a noun (that’s a naming word).

Some examples – a word like ‘Relationship’

First it can have so many meanings – it can be a relationship with a significant other, with a friend, with a child, with a customer, with a client, with a work colleague, with a boss etc. And whatever of those it is, it can have completely different meanings to those people involved in the relationship (or not).
So when someone says ‘my relationship is not right’ – we really need to start asking that person questions, not assuming we know what they are talking about. After all we only know about the kind of relationships we are in, or the ones we have known, or seen from our perspective. If we assume and give our advice, the worst case scenario is that we can lose a friend or be blamed for giving advice that was well meaning, but they may not want that advice.
To find out more about what that word means for the other person, we need to turn that nominalisation into a process and find out what’s not right for the person who made the statement ‘my relationship is not right’. So we ask (carefully, with great respect and sincerity and in a kind of the ‘pass the salt’ tone) something like ‘how would you like to be related to?’ It might seem weird, but this will give you more to work with. It might bring up another nominalisation or other deletions, distortions and generalisations, but I only wanted to give you this as a taster. You will then find you have more idea of what the person means (and you could have been barking up the wrong tree) and their relationship and what also eventually happens is that the person who was having the problem has more idea of what it is they want in life.

However some clues to which words are nominalisations – firstly there’s the wheelbarrow mentioned in the title. There’s a kind of rule of thumb that anything you couldn’t put in a wheelbarrow (and sometimes it will be a very large wheelbarrow, so for example for a ‘crowd’, a ‘building’ etc.) is a nominalisation, so things like ‘fear’, ‘love’, ‘hate’ etc. and also words ending in the following –

-ance (compliance) -ness (happiness)
-iency (efficiency) -itude (gratitude)
-ful (painful) -ment (fulfilment)
-ship (friendship) -ence (difference)
-able (reliable) -ion (depression)

You can apply the kind of questioning I mentioned earlier; sometimes it’s not so obvious what the process word/doing word/verb is, sometimes we just need to think a little about how we will ask a question to get to the root or heart of the matter, so that we understand more about what the other person is annoyed or upset or aggrieved about.

So (the following are all examples you could use, there will be others) –
Compliance – How’s that not complied with?
or How would you like that to be complied with?
Happiness – How would you like to be happy?
Efficiency – How do we need to be more efficient?
Gratitude – How would like them to be grateful?
Painful – Tell me more about the pain?
Fulfilment – How would you like them to be fulfilled?
Friendship – How would expect a friend to be?
or Tell me more about being friends.
Difference – How do they differ?
Reliable – What is someone like you can rely on?
Depression – How does that depress you?

This kind of thing is really useful, what is also useful and helps you avoid the pain of misunderstanding and misinterpreting and losing friendships, preventing the onset of World War III at home, getting to the core of a problem at work is thinking in this way:

Notice how you form your own reality, pay attention to what you are saying to yourself – this will make you more effective and successful. Also think about what you say to others, if you are not clear, if you use lots of nominalisations (and some cultures and organisation do, all the time) how will others understand you?

Always be in rapport (so point your body towards the person, match or mirror their posture, use their words), soften your voice, softer tones and phrase questions in a more acceptable way.
“I wonder exactly what you mean by that…”
“That’s interesting, can I ask you ……”

Think carefully about what you say and listen carefully to what others say and train your intuition to recognise patterns, know when there is information missing, when it’s useful to clarify meaning or open choices. Where the conversation is based on a relationship (of whatever kind) – be careful, very, very careful with the Meta Model – if not used with care it becomes a task-based process. For example if someone says “I liked that” asking “How specifically did you like it and what exactly did you like?” may not be appropriate in certain circumstances and I can think of a few!

Taken from ‘No More Bingo Dresses’ published MX Publishing 2010 more details please click here.

If you’d like to know more faster, please  contact me Rosie O’Hara the Developing Works website, or via my Coaching Website tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081 (What’sApp as well), +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004. And please comment on this blog too.

Are You Saying What they Want (Need) to Hear?

Or are you just speaking in the best way you know how, because you are an expert on your subject and after all the that’s yelling at phonewhy they want to use you isn’t it? Well yes they do. Whoever you are contracted to does want to use you and they may well know you have the technical expertise. However they also want and need (more importantly) you to listen in a way that when you answer them they know you have really listened to them.

How might you do that?

Well ask your customer, client (significant other) ‘what’s important to you?’

Then listen, listen to their words (make a mental note, write their words, avoiding your version, write their words down, or ask for permission to record – saying you want to get things right for the client).

Then assuming you have their words, you can simply repeat their words back i.e. ‘having fewer breakdowns’, ‘having less problems’, ‘having uninterrupted work time’ and add on to their words in a ‘pass the salt kind of voice (politely)’ – what’s important to you about that?

Do this three (yes 3) times.
Your client, customer significant other will know, will feel listened to and you could be surprised, as often the first thing we say is not what is really important, the more important thing comes later.
You will have much improved information with which to work and you’ll get it right for the client and be their contractor of choice.
You may also hear about problems, about things they want to avoid. The worst thing to talk about in this case, is what they will gain or achieve, because they want to know how you will help them avoid, steer clear of, not have, get rid of, exclude, move away from these issues.
On the other hand if your client wants to know about what they will gain, will achieve from your services, tell them just that.
Try it out and things might just work better (and by the way the majority of the world of work likes things to improve, be less of a problem, easier, rather than new and different).

If you’d like to know more faster, please take a look at my LInkedIn profile and some of the Slideshare presentations on my Summary there, as well as previous articles on LinkedIn or contact me Rosie O’Hara the Developing Works website, or via my Coaching Website tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081 (What’sApp as well), +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004. And please comment on this blog too.

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