Some people don’t like to be told what to do. They want to decide for themselves. Depending on how you say & do something (or don’t say & do it), your ideas will be considered or immediately dismissed by them. When people are in this mode, they are have an Internal Motivation Pattern.
When people are in Internal Mode, they like gather information and evaluate it for themselves and hate having someone decide for them. In fact, they love to make their own decisions, based on what is important to them.
So here are the Top Ten Things to Avoid Saying to an Internal
Words That Close Minds
1. You should …… (almost guarantees they won’t)
2. I need to talk to you. (especially unhelpful to say to your partner in life)
3. I have the solution to your problem.
4. I know what you did wrong.
5. I know why that won’t work.
6. I told you so.
7. I have a better idea.
8. You should have an open mind about this.
9. Here’s what everyone thinks about what you did/do/will do.
10. No one is doing that any more.
Top Ten Suggested Things to Say to an Internal
Words That Open Minds
1. I have an idea that I’d like to run by you to find out what you think.
2. May I make a suggestion?
3. What would you think if we ……?
4. When you are deciding about X, what are the most important things?
5. I have an idea that may not be completely useless.
6. Here’s what I think….. what is your opinion?
7. You said that X, Y, and Z were important, so that’s why I’d like to suggest ….
8. Here is something that you may wish to consider.
9. Here is something that you may wish to avoid.
10. You be the judge.
It’s interesting to note the differences between the two approaches. The first list is mainly about deciding for the other, while the second encourages the other person judge for his/herself.
What other differences do you detect between the two lists?
With thanks to Shelle Rose Charvet
Case Study 1
An organisation intended that within 2 years its staff will work from home. To prepare them for this, they learned how to use the Language and Behaviour Profile and its language patterns.
In the first place the senior manager discovered as a person they were too fast for the remainder of the team. Good in some respects, yet when explaining to the rest of the team what needed to be done, the others were often still thinking about the first part of sentence A, whilst the senior manager was on sentence D. The senior manager learned a little more about themselves and what type of language and behaviour patterns they were using. As well as learning how to slow down and deliver what needed to be said sometimes using language that was alien to the senior manager (who was highly visual, focussed on getting things done, quick thinking, goal focussed). They also learned the right language that worked for their staff about prevention, avoid this or that, sometimes talking about the problems to be avoided rather than the benefits.
The result was cohesive team working and a better understanding of one another and meeting of objectives.
Another member of the team complained that the senior manager “doesn’t listen when I talk to them”. She knew from this learning that the senior manager prefers to see things, so the suggestion was made that team member put what they wanted to say either on a simple spreadsheet, or preferably on a PowerPoint slide with some neat graphics, printed it out and physically took it to the team leader and asked “May I show you this and talk you through it.” Did it work? Well the senior manager wrote in an email to the consultant (people with a visual preference like emails) “I see you’ve been giving my team tips. Guess what? It worked! I was more prepared to listen”.
A further team member is very good at getting work done, but more so than the senior manager leaves the others behind, whilst they bulldoze on regardless, with no regard for the culture they are working in, or the culture they are living in. There are conclusions to draw from that, as the person is not really ideal in this environment.
Some of this management team became aware that they are not suited for working at home; they need to be with other people. They work best with others around them, not because they want to chat, they just need human company.
This type of profiling requires skill and can be learned by a member or members of staff, it is always carried out face to face, either as a profile or in listening for what others say or how they write.
Case Study 2
Some individuals are ‘paralysed’ by options, opportunities, and possibilities? So many things they could do and if they decided for one or the other of them, they would worry that there might have been or will be a better option, opportunity, or possibility coming along than the decision they have made or are about to make.
A lawyer we worked with stated ‘when I heard you mention this that it sent a cold shiver down my spine, I can identify with that. I spend ages in inertia, and then I do miss out.’
His tendency had been to shrug his shoulders and say ‘oh well that wasn’t the right thing for me.’ ‘Another time maybe’, ‘that’s the way life is,’ ‘not my turn this time’. He had noticed that this infuriated others; these people wanted him to ‘get a move one’, ‘for goodness sake – do something’, ‘do it now,’ ‘do it before it’s too late’.
Working with this individual he learned to let go of his ‘gut feelings’, ‘his personal preferences’ and be clear when the work in hand was truly in the best interests of others and ‘client’ rather than what he felt was best. He was able to act in a more precise and cost effective fashion. (Freeing some time up for his work/life balance).
Case Study 3
who was receiving coaching (from another party) and wasn’t getting anywhere (there were many reasons for that). Listening out for this individual’s language patterns it became clear that in their previous position they had worked well because they motivated by deadlines given by others and that these patterns were effective for that individual and always had been. We set up an effective plan for that person that is still being followed through and has again not only impacted on work but also on their work/life balance, as they were able to take the decision to buy permanent accommodation and stay in the area.
Case Study 4
Local government officers implementing change management.
One of the traits of a great many local government employees is the aspect of a ‘job for life’. This has led to a large number of employees who have a requirement for things to stay the same on a continuous basis. One of the best anecdotal examples of this comes from someone’s personal life (this is easier than pinpointing an individual’s work)
These individuals like to do the same job over and over again. What might seem boring and repetitive to you is actually enjoyable to them. And similarly what is different and new may seem awful to them. So for an individual who likes a great number of things to stay the same; he’s lived in the same house for years. For years he also always purchased the same diary for week (he liked to get his own) it was always purchased at Woolworth. I’m not sure if you can imagine the how shocking it was – to him – when Woolworth closed down. However he assures me he’s found an almost identical one somewhere else. Careful use of the language patterns surrounding the Language and Behaviour Profile can keep this type of person employed in the right manner. If necessary the patterns can also be used skilfully to facilitate early retirement or to get things moving in other ways.
We have used these patterns to train continuous improvement officers to get a buy in from with teams entrenched in unproductive habits and then to ultimately get the teams to accept change. This also allows some individuals to self-select to leave without pain on all sides.
We naturally believe that people are ‘like us’ and when we don’t get our message across, then we naturally become annoyed. The LAB Profile® enables better understanding all round. Words That Change Minds (The Language and Behaviour Profile®) is an effective methodology for understanding people, as well as ensuring that community and stakeholder engagement is covered from all angles. It is a methodology that equips the user with language and language patterns to use so that people know that they are listened to. The LAB Profile® gives the user language tools with which to understand where mismatches in consultation and implementation occur and to remedy them efficiently by meeting people where they are in terms of language.
Words That Change Minds enables users to listen effectively and to put aside possible assumptions that people do not want to listen, will be unhappy, are being obstructive and more. The methodology enables the production of an effective procedure and development of options to get people to listen and also to understand why consultations are and have been necessary for example.
The LAB Profile® provides clear insights into how people make decisions and thus moving processes and more forwards to facilitate effective decisions and prevent problems from the past. Users can look at all sides and influence the most intractable to understand, as well as either co-operate, work around or move on in a manner that is useful to all those concerned.
With the LAB Profile® you will have a clear methodology for determining single and complex motivation patterns in individuals and groups to enable you, without fail, to go to the bus stop where your customers are waiting for you.
Influencing language from the LAB Profile® ensures you can get your customers on the bus to work with you as the supplier, provider, organisation, or employer of choice!
- Two options therefore, buy in training for yourself and/or your staff to become skilled in the LAB Profile® or hire in Rosie O’Hara to consultant on your staffing hiring or retention policies and procedures or customer policies, designed and tailored for your organisation or sector
Applications in amongst others :
- Market Research
- Mediation and more
– and just think of the applications at home with significant others and those at home known as teenagers (and teenagers you can use it with your parents!).
Phone +44 (0) 7796 134081
Arrange a face to face discussion at a mutually convenient time.
Words that Change Minds
Consultancy & Training
Would you like to enable change for yourself or with others, improve performance, have others understand you better and make a difference?
Learning relatively using small verbal shifts from the LAB Profile® will influence major communication problems and open doors to what appear to be closed minds.
As a Master Consultant of the Language and Behaviour (LAB) Profile® I can help you discover and learn the tools to uncover the deeper meaning of any of those explosive emotions that lurk around, ones we’d rather at times ignore. The LAB Profile® gives you the tools to do something to reduce stress and keep things going in a useful way.
The bases are in our out of conscious awareness filters that govern what information we take in or give out and therefore how we respond. Once we know our own patterns and pay attention to those of others we can understand how communication falls down, what others really mean and how to prevent problems of the past and receive common goals and objectives and so much more.
The Language and Behaviour (LAB) Profile® is a tried and tested methodology that is easier to use than other psychometric tools that are often designed as an income generator. There are a useful number of patterns to learn that can be committed to memory.
Using the services of a consultant will help you retain staff, solve problems and chose the right direction in changing times. Enabling you and others to appreciate diversity and strengthen relationships.
Investing in your own or your staff development will meant that you improve results. I specialise in training you or your staff to be efficient and proficient in this methodology or working with you as a consultant and high stakes negotiation is a specialism of mine.
A little about what I do –
using the applied psychology skills and experience in the Language and Behaviour (LAB) Profile® aka Words that Change Minds, along with over 35 years of business experience in the UK and Germany, I can help you look at your language and behaviours and those of others to enable change, improve performance, manage your career and avoid problems.
I do this either on a consultancy basis, looking at how you interact as an individual, or with a team working with how the team interacts and how that can be improved on. I can also train you, your leaders and managers and the team to improve communication both internally and externally. Or work with you as an individual to coach better communication, help you change behaviours and more.
In these worldwide interesting economic times is it acceptable to be left behind in what other countries are doing?