A useful tip in respect of reactions to ‘things’ that happen.
No one can ‘make’ you do anything, comments like ‘every time you do that you make me’, ‘that just made me’, ‘people like that make me’ – all of those statements are really just an excuse – we are refusing to be response- able.
It’s useful to remember that you are in control and therefore when someone else does something you have a choice to respond or not and when you respond it can also be useful to remember that you are response-able. Able to respond in a way that is appropriate for you. So when someone you are getting to know says or does something and it starts to ‘make you’ react in some way, perhaps you can use the ‘bubble’ (as in ‘Being in the Present’*) or use the ‘circle’ (as in ‘A Good and Resourceful State’*), think about what to ask next or question what the other person is saying (in your head first and think about the tonality, the words, your body posture). Check out is this some ‘programmed’ reaction from the past? How important is this person to you? Would you be willing to change your response, are you willing and able to make this change to the way you respond? And become able to respond in a better way.
* Refers to chapters in the book ‘Finding the Relationship you Deserve’
I’ve just republished my very first book ‘Finding the Relationship you Deserve’ on Kindle Direct Publishing – available from Amazon and I thought I’d share a reader review here –
Note the title is “Finding the Relationship you deserve”, not “Finding the Person you deserve”
Yes, initially it does cover Self Respect – ensuring your criteria for the person you hope to meet is true and good for you, but it then shows you how to develop a loving, fair and lasting relationship.It gives you tools to act like a reasonable adult in a relationship, it’s about the other person too – understanding why we all act differently and giving grace to others’ actions and cautiously wondering if we could improve aspects of our own actions or beliefs.
The author Rosie O’Hara delivers personal coaching and training in many areas. I have trained with her and she excels in personal development – if there is an aspect of your personal life (you as a person) you want to improve Rosie is a person that will know how you can do it, and show you how to.
This book is worth buying – to keep, and to read more than once: useful not just for the primary relationship in your life but also for any other relationships. It provides clarity on why some relationships fail and how others benefit from some understanding and perhaps a little change of mindset and purpose from ourselves.
Be kind to yourself (or a friend) and buy it: it is also a lovely read and the perfect size for a handbag, to dip into when you have a spare five minutes and then to carry those thoughts with you until you can read a bit more 🙂 Carol Imray
Case Study 1
An organisation intended that within 2 years its staff will work from home. To prepare them for this, they learned how to use the Language and Behaviour Profile and its language patterns.
In the first place the senior manager discovered as a person they were too fast for the remainder of the team. Good in some respects, yet when explaining to the rest of the team what needed to be done, the others were often still thinking about the first part of sentence A, whilst the senior manager was on sentence D. The senior manager learned a little more about themselves and what type of language and behaviour patterns they were using. As well as learning how to slow down and deliver what needed to be said sometimes using language that was alien to the senior manager (who was highly visual, focussed on getting things done, quick thinking, goal focussed). They also learned the right language that worked for their staff about prevention, avoid this or that, sometimes talking about the problems to be avoided rather than the benefits.
The result was cohesive team working and a better understanding of one another and meeting of objectives.
Another member of the team complained that the senior manager “doesn’t listen when I talk to them”. She knew from this learning that the senior manager prefers to see things, so the suggestion was made that team member put what they wanted to say either on a simple spreadsheet, or preferably on a PowerPoint slide with some neat graphics, printed it out and physically took it to the team leader and asked “May I show you this and talk you through it.” Did it work? Well the senior manager wrote in an email to the consultant (people with a visual preference like emails) “I see you’ve been giving my team tips. Guess what? It worked! I was more prepared to listen”.
A further team member is very good at getting work done, but more so than the senior manager leaves the others behind, whilst they bulldoze on regardless, with no regard for the culture they are working in, or the culture they are living in. There are conclusions to draw from that, as the person is not really ideal in this environment.
Some of this management team became aware that they are not suited for working at home; they need to be with other people. They work best with others around them, not because they want to chat, they just need human company.
This type of profiling requires skill and can be learned by a member or members of staff, it is always carried out face to face, either as a profile or in listening for what others say or how they write.
Case Study 2
Some individuals are ‘paralysed’ by options, opportunities, and possibilities? So many things they could do and if they decided for one or the other of them, they would worry that there might have been or will be a better option, opportunity, or possibility coming along than the decision they have made or are about to make.
A lawyer we worked with stated ‘when I heard you mention this that it sent a cold shiver down my spine, I can identify with that. I spend ages in inertia, and then I do miss out.’
His tendency had been to shrug his shoulders and say ‘oh well that wasn’t the right thing for me.’ ‘Another time maybe’, ‘that’s the way life is,’ ‘not my turn this time’. He had noticed that this infuriated others; these people wanted him to ‘get a move one’, ‘for goodness sake – do something’, ‘do it now,’ ‘do it before it’s too late’.
Working with this individual he learned to let go of his ‘gut feelings’, ‘his personal preferences’ and be clear when the work in hand was truly in the best interests of others and ‘client’ rather than what he felt was best. He was able to act in a more precise and cost effective fashion. (Freeing some time up for his work/life balance).
Case Study 3
who was receiving coaching (from another party) and wasn’t getting anywhere (there were many reasons for that). Listening out for this individual’s language patterns it became clear that in their previous position they had worked well because they motivated by deadlines given by others and that these patterns were effective for that individual and always had been. We set up an effective plan for that person that is still being followed through and has again not only impacted on work but also on their work/life balance, as they were able to take the decision to buy permanent accommodation and stay in the area.
Case Study 4
Local government officers implementing change management.
One of the traits of a great many local government employees is the aspect of a ‘job for life’. This has led to a large number of employees who have a requirement for things to stay the same on a continuous basis. One of the best anecdotal examples of this comes from someone’s personal life (this is easier than pinpointing an individual’s work)
These individuals like to do the same job over and over again. What might seem boring and repetitive to you is actually enjoyable to them. And similarly what is different and new may seem awful to them. So for an individual who likes a great number of things to stay the same; he’s lived in the same house for years. For years he also always purchased the same diary for week (he liked to get his own) it was always purchased at Woolworth. I’m not sure if you can imagine the how shocking it was – to him – when Woolworth closed down. However he assures me he’s found an almost identical one somewhere else. Careful use of the language patterns surrounding the Language and Behaviour Profile can keep this type of person employed in the right manner. If necessary the patterns can also be used skilfully to facilitate early retirement or to get things moving in other ways.
We have used these patterns to train continuous improvement officers to get a buy in from with teams entrenched in unproductive habits and then to ultimately get the teams to accept change. This also allows some individuals to self-select to leave without pain on all sides.
Particularly in today’s economic climate where companies and organisations are being asked to downsize, make cuts, lose jobs – there is the need for an effective methodology that has been tried and tested, and one that also gives options to ensure that there is the “right mix of people” for the job. Soft skills are sometimes hard to learn and often underestimated. Required job skills can be trained either on the job or in other ways. But personalities sometimes will just clash.
How can this be made easier? Is there a magic wand? In short there is no magic wand. Everything requires work, which is sometimes a problem as human beings just don’t want to do the work themselves, it “should” be someone else. After all we all know “it’s their fault” and we are entirely blameless.
There are tools and techniques – the often misunderstood NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is not just a trail of techniques to make you feel good, change habits etc. But rather NLP is something that neither is whizz bang nor is it hocus-pocus. It’s actually about language and skilful use of language and recognising the language that is used by the people we want to influence. By becoming skilled in recognising this language and using skilful questioning techniques we can facilitate a climate of understanding, easing stress and becoming the company to work for. Not just because we are a company that pays well (it helps) or has good employee benefits. But a company or organisation that takes time out to listen, and respond in an appropriate manner and carry the things through that we promise.
Add the Language and Behaviour Profile to NLP and you have “Words that Change Minds” and it might be your mind not theirs that changes.
The LAB Profile Consultant:
- will design learning programs for you that actually change behaviour
- uses advanced LAB Profile® coaching methodologies to help clients shift
- helps you create marketing materials to attract more customers
- helps you solve your clients’ most difficult communication situations
- understands the language pattern combinations that make customers buy
- will help you create communication strategies that reach into people’s minds and hearts
- will show you how to predict and influence behaviour with individuals, teams and mass communication challenges
- knows exactly what language to use – or avoid – to motivate and inspire
- knows how to help you develop the right approach to lead your key teams and employees
- enables you to build high performance teams
- helps you manage strategic meetings and high stakes negotiations
- will diagnose corporate & team culture to introduce change, and make it stick
We naturally believe that people are ‘like us’ and when we don’t get our message across, then we naturally become annoyed. The LAB Profile® enables better understanding all round. Words That Change Minds (The Language and Behaviour Profile®) is an effective methodology for understanding people, as well as ensuring that community and stakeholder engagement is covered from all angles. It is a methodology that equips the user with language and language patterns to use so that people know that they are listened to. The LAB Profile® gives the user language tools with which to understand where mismatches in consultation and implementation occur and to remedy them efficiently by meeting people where they are in terms of language.
Words That Change Minds enables users to listen effectively and to put aside possible assumptions that people do not want to listen, will be unhappy, are being obstructive and more. The methodology enables the production of an effective procedure and development of options to get people to listen and also to understand why consultations are and have been necessary for example.
The LAB Profile® provides clear insights into how people make decisions and thus moving processes and more forwards to facilitate effective decisions and prevent problems from the past. Users can look at all sides and influence the most intractable to understand, as well as either co-operate, work around or move on in a manner that is useful to all those concerned.
With the LAB Profile® you will have a clear methodology for determining single and complex motivation patterns in individuals and groups to enable you, without fail, to go to the bus stop where your customers are waiting for you.
Influencing language from the LAB Profile® ensures you can get your customers on the bus to work with you as the supplier, provider, organisation, or employer of choice!
- Two options therefore, buy in training for yourself and/or your staff to become skilled in the LAB Profile® or hire in Rosie O’Hara to consultant on your staffing hiring or retention policies and procedures or customer policies, designed and tailored for your organisation or sector
Applications in amongst others :
- Market Research
- Mediation and more
– and just think of the applications at home with significant others and those at home known as teenagers (and teenagers you can use it with your parents!).
Phone +44 (0) 7796 134081
Arrange a face to face discussion at a mutually convenient time.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read this.
I am one of the world’s few Master Consultants of the LAB (Language and Behaviour) Profile® – Words that Change Minds. I work with leaders, managers, team leaders and business owners, employees, teachers, trainers, ordinary people or those aspiring to be all of the above.
What makes me different is use of the LAB Profile® – Words that Change Minds (roots in Meta Programs, Karl Jung’s personality types and applied psychology) to listen and get you to where you want to be.
My background is varied, I started out working in accounts and banking in Germany (speaking German as a native is another talent), I went on to own a bakery and run a delicatessen, I have also hired out cranes and chased payment for them, repaired cars and owned and run a language company. I am a published author and I had something to do with mechanical engineering somewhere along the way. I can ride a motorbike and have made a kilt (properly). I also happily admit I’m a fan of Minions and I run Rosebea Hats
I have experience gained in businesses both large and small for more than 37 years, working for others and running my own businesses. I know how people work, in terms of what drives them forwards and what stops them for being truly productive. At my disposal are some very powerful tools and methodologies for understanding language and helping you motivate yourself and others.
My biggest thrill is enabling you to use your language to help you find out how to get to where you want to be and what’s holding you back. My clients tell me that I’m good at listening and teasing out what is really going on in what you are saying. No matter who you are and no matter how old or young or experienced or inexperienced you are. Just the desire to improve, or to stop behaviours, or to change is a help on your side.
I am a Mum and a very proud Granny, my wealth exists in the good and trusted friends I have and the number of people I encounter who are happier and more productive as a result of being with me and me with them.
I also deliver personalised and company and industry coaching tailored for you and using the LAB Profile® – Words that Change Minds as well as training you to use the LAB Profile® as a Practitioner or Master Practitioner.
You may be interested in the recommendations I have received please check these out consultancy here or clients here and coaching here
Or you may wish to contact me on
+44 (0) 7796 134081,
to improve where you are, help things stay the same or to make a difference.
I am a Master Consultant of the LAB (Language and Behaviour) Profile® – Words that Change Minds.
A Certified Trainer and Group Coach of the LAB (Language and Behaviour) Profile® – Words that Change Minds.
A Certified Trainer of Neuro-linguistic Programming.
An Accredited Master Trainer of New Tricks with Words®
A Member of the Institute and Leadership and Management
and an accredited Translator and Interpreter of German (Mechanical Engineering).
Voted Aberdeen Business Network Best Overall Member 2015
Voted Aberdeen Business Network Best Discussion 2015
Recognised by Moray Businesswomen as a Woman of Achievement 2015
Recognised as an Association of Scottish Businesswomen Woman of Inspiration 2015
Voted Aberdeen Business Network Best Online Member 2014