Category Archives: Communication Problems

How ‘joined up’ is your communication today?

We have many forms of social media that keep us busy (sometimes we are just busy being Stuart Miles togethernessbusy, don’t you think?).

Are we trapped inside our specialisms? Be that social groups, teams, pockets of knowledge, companies, organisations, universities, colleges, parliaments, media itself, banks, hospitals, schools, bowling clubs and more ? Are we in our own little tribe?

Daniel Kahneman (Thinking Fast and Slow) says we are ‘blind to our blindness’, we fail to see risks and opportunities that when we think about them later (oh hindsight) we know that we could have done things differently.

Why do we do this?  What do you think?  Communication between teams, societies (be those clubs or cultures) is patchy.  Are we all too busy nowadays using social media to say what we want to say and not listening to what others are saying or even, not saying? Or are we reading between the lines to understand from our own reality? Is it just at work or is it also out there in society that we live and work in silos? Be those organisational silos (ivory towers/own realities) which Gillian Tett speaks of in her book ‘The Silo Effect’ or our own individual silos?

As a group or as an individual we like to fit others into labels, slots, or pigeon holes. We tend to understand from our own reality, from what we know and believe to be true from our own experience, or what we have learned from others in order to fit in (or not).

As human beings we do have an innate need to ‘get the world to fit’ to our own reality and many of us naturally seek out those people and those things that match our own reality. But do we listen and look at how people and systems interconnect with an open mind?  Do we ask ourselves how people connect with us and to us?  Do we examine parts of life we don’t want to talk about because they don’t fit with our reality, because we find them dull, boring or even off-limits?

Do we listen carefully to what other people say and check if what they say also fits with what they do?  Do we check that what we say fits with what we personally do? Or do we dismiss people out of hand because they don’t fit with our reality?

I’m curious what you think about the above comments and how you communicate with other people.  Please share or comment here and if you would like assistance or tips or suggestion on how to improve communication and understanding.  Please contact me.

Contact me Rosie O’Hara via the Developing Works website, or telephone +44 (0)7796 134081, +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004.


Do you Know Where You’re Going to?

If the answer is no from you or someone else and possibly this may be some of those Sira Anamwong Lightbulb Headpeople we categorise as Millennials (if you read my articles or online comments frequently you may be aware I’m not really into labels) you or they don’t know where you or they are going in life or at work it can be difficult to start. This doesn’t mean you need to have a goal or objective in the sense of a smart goal as stuckness can come from confusing advice (see more on this below) or the person can’t currently ‘see’ what the end is – there is a technique for that click here.

At times as someone recently admitted to me they couldn’t do what they wanted or what they were asked to do or set a goal because they really wanted to leave the job they were in. On the other hand those of us who know where we are going have a clear focus on that and can at time appear to trample over everyone else to get there.  It can also be that you know what you don’t want, what you want to avoid.  That’s okay a good coach can help you work with that without requiring you to turn it into something positive immediately.

For those labelled Millennials friends are their source of advice (but that’s not exclusive this will apply to some people of all ages), their reference point, these friends are generally important for helping them make decisions as is the plethora of online (mainly) media, where your friends may be people you have never met face to face (so they may not always be genuine).  At times if input from friends (or people he/she knows) is missing the person may find starting difficult. It might be useful to work on how the person knows what to do/what is right when those sources are missing.

Recognition and appreciation from friends is important.  Presented with all of the 21st century choices and alternatives and the opportunity to be creative is what keeps most young people going.  Creativity comes in many forms and for those older ones amongst us creativity was often frowned upon unless you were in an artistic profession or you are someone who thought to hell with it, I’ll think outside the box anyway. There was always only a right way to do things in previous decades. Finding another way of doing things is often the best incentive for younger people nowadays and also for those of us needing or wanting to find the thing makes our heart sing.

The problem with this can be that distraction or diversion leads us to somewhere else and therefore even though started the project in hand s not completed.  It might then be that deadlines are not met at all at times, at others dependent on the individual’s subconscious (LAB Profile©) patterns, deadlines are only met at the last minute.

How do you get people with these patterns to do something?

First tell them why what you have might be useful to them, their career, their company, or their friends.

Then tell them what it actually is you want them to say.  Next say how this can be done and finally tell them what completing or doing this will say about them to others i.e. ‘Petra you mentioned that …. is important to you, something came to my mind that you might like.  Have you noticed how many people are ……….  It seems there are several alternatives open to you (name those alternatives or if you are watching the person and they appear not to like this suggestion or they actually say they don’t like the suggestions then say  ‘first you do … then .. and ultimately to complete you…)

Finish with ‘You know you are really great at ………. and others will appreciate you for doing that’.

I hope you found that useful and if you would like to know more please contact me.

Tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081

Check out my website

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