1 You chose the wrong coach
Coaches deal with different aspects of life and work. (Did you ask yourself ‘do I want someone to offload all my worries to and to be listening and sympathetic ear and say there there’ or did you ask ‘do I want someone to motivate me? Or did you ask ‘do I want someone to help/guide/assist me in my career or business?’ Different coaches deal with different aspects.
Did you ask ‘do they have business experience?’ What kind of training do they have? ‘Are they recommended?’ Notice when you initially meet them do they carefully question how you say what you say or do they rephrase or paraphrase your language and you’re too polite to comment.
2 You relied on the coach to tell you what to do
The only person in life who is in charge of you is you. You are ‘driving your bus’. Admittedly there will be times in everyone’s life when we want to give and or abdicate responsibility. Ultimately you have to make your own decisions without hearing from someone who tells ‘oh that happened to me, what I think you should do is….’ Incidentally ‘should’ is about the other person about how they think or tell you what to do. You will most probably ultimately find that what you should do (according to them) was not the right thing to do.
3 You weren’t in the right place at the time
Coaching is not intended to resolve the deeper underlying issues that are the cause of serious problems like poor motivation, low self-esteem and poor job performance.
When we go into a coaching relationship we do that in the belief that we are self-aware and a ‘whole person’ and that we have chosen coaching because we don’t require a therapeutic intervention. It can be that even with underlying issues we will experience success within a coaching context even without resolving the underlying issues. If we become ‘stuck’ and the coaching is not achieving desired results, then a therapeutic intervention may be necessary for me to move forward and achieve your goals. Therapeutic interventions are not coaching and even coaching using NLP is not therapeutic and as a coachee you need to be clear on that.
4 You didn’t like the task you were given. If you and your coach agreed that you would do certain things by a deadline and you didn’t like what you agreed. Then there are options:
A. Life got in the way
And it does, tell your coach and re-arrange the deadline. Be aware – if you keep on changing your coaching dates – do you need to ask yourself ‘why am I allowing this to happen? After all the most successful people in life juggle things, work through things, overcome obstacles, ask for help, delegate and more.
B. Say you didn’t/don’t like it and then talk that through with your coach. Your coach
Your coach offers you a supportive and motivating environment to explore what you want in life and how you might achieve your aims and desires and fulfil your needs. There is no such thing as failure in life and your coach’s job is to enable you to get to where you want to be.
C. Give up and say coaching didn’t work for you
If you choose this option perhaps ask yourself how willing you are/were to commit and if you are prepared to make changes to your behaviour(s). When we stay the same so do other people. Or other people actually become worse because they will tire of our behaviour.
Bear in mind when you change your team or change your job you will still take you with you. We have to ‘be the change we want to see in the world’.
Sometimes we get in our own way with our beliefs. Discuss this with your coach, be open and honest with your coach (and yourself). Say what didn’t work and get them to assist you to get to where you want to be. The coaches job is to assist you commit to action and be a sounding-board for your experiences.
D. Ask your coach to help you
If you coach has additional qualifications such as NLP, CBT etc. they are in a position to assist you but you both must agree that this is what happening. Or get your coach to recommend you to a qualified practitioner or find someone who someone else recommends, in that they have worked with them.
E.You didn’t like the fact that your coach asked you to set goals/outcomes/objectives.
In the coaching sessions you and your coach will generally be more concerned with the practical issues of setting goals and achieving results within specific time-scales. Coaching allows you the personal space and support you need to grow and develop. Your coach’s key role can be in assisting you to maintain the motivation and commitment needed to achieve your goals. However they aren’t there to ‘kick your butt’ or be ‘on your case’ every day. If you think you need that then there are behaviours and beliefs that could do with changing on your part.
Only you are in charge of you and only you will do what you agree to do with yourself.
If you’d like to know more about coaching with me Rosie O’Hara please contact me via the Developing Works website, tel. +44 (0) 7796 134081, +44 (0)1224 900748, +44 (0)1309 676004.