Are you? Does everyone else seem to be? Are you waiting for the best option to come along? Or waiting for a better option?
Every day we are bombarded with the ‘must haves’, the ‘buy now’ (as well as the ‘unique’, the ‘new’, the ‘different’ – that’s another story). And in these current times when a lot of what the media gives us is about doom and gloom, what do we focus on?
Some people become very inward looking and referenced to themselves in the face of uncertainty and then they start to decide for themselves. They may take on outside information and process that information and then store it somewhere in their memory banks. Ultimately they make their own decision and sometimes they make that decision only based on noticing what is wrong or can’t be done in respect of whatever it is you would like them to do. Now this might be to buy something, book on a meeting, or do something at home, or not.
How could this be? Well it depends on how people are motivated. We have motivation patterns; people can be motivated to avoid a problem that has yet to occur or to fix an existing problem. It can also be that they are motivated to avoid something or someone. To know where people are coming from we will need to know what is important to the individual – what their hot buttons are, both negative and positive.
So if people find something boring or “not interesting” they may be motivated to avoid getting involved. If privacy is important, the individual may be motivated away from what they believe is an “infringement of privacy” and want to avoid participating. Some people begin to think at a below conscious level “you know too much about me!” so if you send someone a letter or an email at some below conscious level they might be thinking you are getting inside their head, prying into their personal affairs.
If you address someone by name therefore they may be upset because you use their name. Conversely for some people a nameless email is not caring about them, they like and value personal relationships and will respond better to you. The name issue may also have something to do with the fact that recipient values the personal side of contact in that context or their life. It can also be that they are more interested in facts. It just goes to show how complex we as human beings are and which factors come into play.
In a nutshell in the present ‘economic climate’ it seems that some people are more focussed on, paying attention to what might go wrong or what might need fixing, especially with regard to other people. Do your ears prick up when someone tells you they have a problem? Do you feel almost compelled to respond? These people are motivated by deadlines because they have a need to avoid the difficulties that could occur when these deadlines are not met. Although they may be good at times at working towards achievement but will usually put this aside if there’s something that has to be solved.
During challenging times customers/clients prefer to wait, analyse, consider and think. This may lead to them waiting endlessly and having difficulty making a decision. So it might be useful to ask, so when you think things through and consider the problems so that a decision can be made. What do you think now?
You might notice when these same or some other people have a problem, they may change the way they react. They will want action now and they will do whatever it takes to get it. They expect you or the person they are talking to, to take whatever initiative is needed, and to do it quickly.
Going back to the people who are motivated to decide based on their own internal standards and criteria. They do not want to be told what to do. Bold statements and Command Language will raise their resistance. It’s best to invite this kind of client to decide for themselves, using phrases such as here’s some information you may want to consider or may I make a suggestion? Their behaviour is based on the belief that anyone who doesn’t fit his or her own expectations is out of order.
What might we do to work this; working round is not necessarily an option. A really good example is the MasterCard advert, remember that?
“This costs [that much]. That costs [this much]. This costs [that much]. This [thing or event]: priceless. Some things money can’t buy, for everything else, there’s MasterCard.
This slogan was extremely successful for MasterCard. What happens here is, using the repetition we are speaking in terms of a process or procedures approach it is then followed by an options twist at the end. “For everything else”. The slogan uses a story, offers options and allows the listener, watcher (reader) to make a decision either based on measuring against what they know and believe to be true or to be influenced by the content of the stories on the screen and make a decision based on ‘wanting to be like that’.
There are ways and means of finding out what motivates others (and ourselves). Interested? For all the information you need to decided click this link.
1. Give Yourself a Present
Yesterday doesn’t exist, except as a memory, memories are very unreliable, have you worked that one out? When you experienced yesterday, it was n-o-w. Tomorrow doesn’t exist either, except in your imagination; when you experience tomorrow, it will be n-o-w. And as it’s all that exists, it’s a good idea to experience it, so… – Sit with your feet flat on the floor, in a comfortable, centred position (spine straight, hands on your thighs or at your sides, breathing comfortably.) With your eyes open or closed, allow yourself to become aware of the different sounds, sights, smells & sensations around you. This is the present moment. This present is the only thing that matters, give yourself this every now and again, focus and you will be better able to cope with life, the world in general.
2. Avoid the ‘shoulds’.
Most of us have a large pile of ‘shoulds’ at home, the things I ‘should’ do, the things he/she ‘should do’, the council ‘should do’, etc. Those things that it’s easiest to shelve off to others, blame others for. What the LAB Profile calls ‘concealed Away Froms’. Things we avoid doing. So ask yourself ‘what’s important that ………..?’. and you know maybe it’s not quite so important and we can survive without it or without it being done and get back into the present.
3. Avoid the ‘I did/made/bought this specially for you’
This is the classic guilt thing, the stuff that the ‘reindeer jumper’ in Bridget Jones’s Diary is made of! The classic whatever type of mother (or a.n. other) comment ‘I spent so many hours in the kitchen making this’, ‘I spent so much money on this’. This is the guilt thing; this can lead to ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ etc. It’s useful to ‘take a mental step back from this’. To perhaps ‘go to the balcony’ ‘or imagine you’re a fly on the wall’ and look at all of this and notice what’s going on and that ‘no; is a good word to use.
4. Think before you open your mouth
Err sometimes it’s just that simple;) Taking a mental or even physical step back can help here.
5. Go on holiday a long way away from anyone else;)
Or just shut yourself away and have some quiet time:0 It’s great no hang over, not over eaten, watched what you wanted on TV, read when and what youw anted and evnif you like tidied the house. Enjoy yourself.
Whatever you do, Peace to you and enjoy.
(Photo courteous of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)
Do you give your brain time off? Do you dream? Dreaming is great even though we are sometimes castigated for daydreaming as we and others can believe that it’s ‘taking us away from what we should be doing’. At other times we use books, films to dream away.
What would it be like to harness your dreams?
Walt Disney provided and his company continues to provide dreams and in NLP some of his work around dreaming and putting legs on dreams has been modelled . In NLP modelling means NLP skills are used to learn and understand the thinking behind how a person does something and then the modeller uses NLP skills to break down what they have learned and then they can teach this skill to other people, or use it in another for work for example.
In order to dream effectively it’s useful to first be clear about the area you are going to explore and the outcome you want to achieve. Just get an overview at this point (you do need to be at least semi-conscious at this point). Find a neutral space and in that place choose three spaces in front of you that you can step into (this enables you to be distanced from your thoughts and ideas and dreams, to think more clearly). One space is for your dreamer (visionary space) one for your constructive critic (the space that gets you space from the other two spaces); and one for your realist (practical space).
So let your mind wander and step into the dreamer (visionary) space and remember a time when you dreamed of something and you created some really good choices in your mind. Ask yourself some or all of these questions ‘why are you doing this?’, ‘what will you get from this?’, ‘how will you know when you have it?’, ‘where do you want to be in the future?’ Leave all of this and these thoughts, these dreams, in this space and move to your realist (practical) space.
In this space, think back to a time when you were able to think very realistically and devised a plan to put an idea into action effectively. In this space, ask yourself some or all of these questions, ‘what will you be doing?’, ‘how in particular will the idea be implemented?’, ‘how will you know if the goal has been achieved?’, ‘who besides me is involved (are there any time constraints)?’, ‘when will each phase be implemented?’, ’when will the overall goal be completed?’, ‘where will each phase be carried out?’ Leave all of this and these thoughts, these dreams in this space and move to the constructive critic (the place that gets you space from the other two spaces) space
In this space, identify a time when you constructively criticised a plan. You identified potential weaknesses and came up with positive alternatives that dealt effectively with the weaknesses. In this space ask yourself some or all of these questions ‘how do all the elements fit together?’, ‘what elements appear unbalanced?’, ‘what parts do not fit with the overall objective?’, ‘how do all the elements fit together?’, ‘what elements appear unbalanced?’, ‘what parts do not fit with the overall objective?’
When you think you have enough information move back to the Dreamer space – with a clear idea of what your Dreamer needs to think about.
Let your mind wonder/wander freely, as you see yourself achieving this goal and see the processes leading up to it as a sequence of images
Now move to the realist position and organise your ideas and your plan. Notice what you might need to change to make it a realistic sequence. The realist in you will be the person of action, the one who gets things done.
Move into the critic space and appraise the plan. Ask yourself questions such as ‘what is missing’ and ‘what is needed’. The critic is likely to be that voice in your head, use it constructively it can help at times.
Move back to the dreamer position to creatively change the plan using the information gathered from the realist and constructive critic. Do this perhaps three times or until you know you have sufficient information to either put the plan into action or not (after all when realism sets in at times, we realise something is not viable.)
Then make a list, make a plan. Dreams will only turn into reality when we put legs on them and then… go and out and do it.
Are you clear about what you want to do in life? Really clear?
Do you have an overview of concepts? Such as lots of buzz words, good ideas and very much ‘yes I’ll do that’, but without putting much thought into it?
Or do you have lots of ideas and thoughts and kind of plans and you seem ‘not to really get anywhere’? A bit stuck.
May be you need a plan?
Planning, explaining saves fire fighting. A plan will avoid so many problems and get you what you want.
Answer all of the questions below. Get someone else to read the questions out to you preferably and to write your answers down. You can think better that way. If some of the questions don’t make sense, then go onto the next question, just leave that one out. When you’ve finished, then sit together and start to work out what you could do and where you need to go to ask more questions.
What do you want and where do you want to be?
Where you going / what are you working towards?
What problems do you want to avoid?
Do you know anyone else who has done this kind of thing? Would it be okay to ask them for some info on what the pitfalls were? Any tips they might have?
What will this (thing you want to do) look like?
What will this (thing you want to do) sound like?
What will this (thing you want to do) feel like?
How will you feel?
Do you need any support?
What sequence of steps or stages will you need to put in place to achieve what you want?
What will this help you to avoid?
How will you divide what you want into small enough chunks or steps so that each one is do-able?
What else needs to be there for you to achieve this (thing you want to do) and for you to know that this (thing you want to do) is really right for you and your family?
Is this (thing you want to do) right for you in all circumstances in your life?
Is this (thing you want to do) appropriate for your personal relationships?
What will this (thing you want to do) give you that you might not have had before?
What will having this (thing you want to do) cause you to lose?
Does any part of you object to putting all of this in place? (If so how will you deal with that?)
Is it within your power or ability to achieve this?
What is the first step?
Can you take this first step?
Off you go…… after all what’s stopping you?
Questions please contact me by email via ww.rosieohara.com or http://www.developingworks.com or phone +44 (0) 7796 134081